Tuesday, 1 September 2009

sweet zombie jesus


Today, legislation came into effect that outlaws businesses to either manufacture or import of 100W light bulbs, or frosted light bulbs of any wattage. And despite the fact that if having to make do with a 60W light bulb is the biggest problem in your life, you don't have the right to complain about a single fucking thing... people have still been complaining.

Mostly this is all just background noise; a combination of people's inherent distrust of EU policy, fear of change, and love of grumbling.

So I was surprised this evening when, as I explained the situation to a customer, she came out with the phrase, "Oh good lord Jesus, save us from this wicked world." With not even the slightest hint of sarcasm.

I felt that this was maybe a slightly over-the-top reaction to being forced to use more energy efficient bulbs that might help delay the complete extinction of the human race by a few weeks. But, as a mere till monkey, I know better than to express an opinion; so I got on with scanning her stuff, put it all in a bag and said, "That'll be £16.55 please, madam."

Which she took as her cue to explain to me how Jesus would return to us one day, and show us the way forwards, but the Antichrist would try to make us all believe that he was lying, and that we had to put our faith in him, and something about how one day everything and everyone will be wiped out and the world will be returned to all it's original beauty and splendour, and she wasn't exactly sure how it was going to happen, but it definitely would...

I quickly started to glaze over, an instinctive reaction to stop her rampant insanity from infecting me through the pores of my skin and warping my fragile little mind. She could not be stopped, not even slowed down, no matter how many times I said stuff like, "Really?", "That'll be nice", and "So, how about that £16.55 then?"

A European ban on 100W and frosted incandescent light bulbs was the herald of the rise of the forces of evil, and prelude to the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

This woman was consumed, irrational, capable of anything.


FIRE IS THE ONLY CURE

4 comments:

Pixie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pixie said...

Take off and nuke it from orbit... it's the only way to be sure!

I removed my previous remark because I realised it could be construed as being terribly anti-christian, which was not my intention... my intention was merely to say something to the effect of ...

Sweet Baby Jebus please save us from your most mental of followers... the less crazy ones, who are just nice, god fearing people, may be allowed to go about their non judgmental, good value days... just the crazies we need saving from...

phew... white, liberal guilt abated.. thank you for listening!

Marianne said...

Good job she didn't see

http://carnalnation.com/sites/carnalnation.com/files/superman-kiss.jpg

Dave said...

Oh my.... that reminds me of the guy that used to scream the "word of the lord" to people in the woolmead.... until he got escorted back to his carehome!!!

So did she actually hand over the £16.55???

Did you walk away???

Did she even notice????