The most inept that ever stepped

And so, after a couple of months of solid painting, I got to attend half of the tournament that was the point of it all in the first place.

I only attended half of it because apparently two and a half months isn’t sufficient notice for a single days holiday from The Big Gay Department Store; and although there was briefly the possibility of some guy swapping shifts with me, he waited until the very last moment to decide that he couldn’t. Or couldn’t be arsed, one of the two. I’d like to think that he had something important to do, and didn’t just spend the day playing computer games in his underpants…

So I had to work the whole day Saturday, and whizzed off to Nottingham (’00-’03 gun crime capital of the UK) that evening. Half of the tournament had already happened, but there was still plenty of drinkin’ time. After meeting up with Rich and Beautiful Steve at the nerd mecca that is Warhammer World, we went to the hotel to check in and grab a quick shower, then bimbled into town. As per usual, we started out in a cheap pub, where we drank cheap booze and debated where we should go next. Quite we have this debate is something of a mystery, because we always end up in the Cookie Club anyway. I don’t mind, because the music is good and I get to dance like a fool; and Rich doesn’t mind because the place is full of young women that he can prey upon. Beautiful Steve gets to do a bit of both. We met a very lovely girl called Clare, who invited us back to her flat for a cup of tea and a game of Trivial Pursuit after the club closed. This was not some awful euphemism, we really did drink tea and play board games until the sun came up. Good times.

We said our goodbyes, and got a taxi back to the hotel so that we could grab our stuff and check out. Day two of the tournament was thus a very drunken and sleep-deprived affair, which almost excuses my profound inability to even come close to winning any of my games (although most of my fellow nerds know that this would’ve happened even if I was rested and sober). At the end of the day the awards were handed out; Steve won Most Bloodthirsty General, Rich won Biggest Massacre, and I won nothing. I should have won Best Army, but the nominations were made on the Saturday, before I got there… ho-hum.

Still, it was a fun weekend, and I managed to get all the way home without falling asleep at the wheel and crashing and burning. Just.