Ruth has never watched Robot Wars.
This means that she will have never played the three fun games that made Robot Wars that tiny bit more entertaining for thousands of nerds across the nation each week.
Game 1: Determine what roboteer George Francis actually is.
What the fuck are you?!a) Male.
b) Female.
c) Space lizard.
d) Misc.
2. Try to catch the nerds checking out Philippa Forrester's boobs while she interviews them in the pits.
I find this game difficult, as I tend to be too busy checking out Philippa's boobs to notice what the other nerds are doing.
3. Designing deadly robots in your mind.
I might be wrong, but I reckon that anyone with even the smallest nerdal lobe rolling D12's in the back of their subconscious will have done this at some point. Here's my cunning plans.
The Remorseless Eating Machine
This one's about the size of a tumble dryer, and has massive jaws at one end that allow it to consume other robots (like that space ship in You Only Live Twice). NYOM!Super Explodo Bot 2000 Deluxe
Essentially, a small explosive device on wheels. I'm sure I don't need to explain how this works.Listen to Black Sabbath
This robot will basically be a giant speaker on wheels, with "LISTEN TO BLACK SABBATH" written on the side of it. It will have no weapons; it will simply drive around playing "War Pigs" really loud until all the other robots give up. Then it will explode (this one's packed with semtex too).Mecha-Hamma-Spida-Bot
A V8 engine, only all of the pistons are attached to hammers instead of a driveshaft. The hammers act as weapons and give it something to stand on. You can't control how the thing moves, all you can do is give it more throttle and smash things faster. I don't see how this can possibly fail.